Birthday Cards: Who Needs Them?

Birthday Cards:  Who Needs Them?I know birthdays are good for you. According to a recent study (that I made up for this post), people who have the most birthdays live the longest.

I recently had a birthday, and I received many wonderful birthday cards from friends, family and, of course, my closest personal insurance agents and banks.

I couldn’t wait to open the cards and bathe in the well wishes.

The first one I opened said: “A toast to you! May you live to be as old as you look!”

Hmmm, that certainly was an inauspicious start.

But I forged on. The next card said: “Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar…….. Yung No Mo.”

Birthday Cards:  Who Needs Them?Where were my warm and sensitive birthday wishes?. I ripped open the next card. “You’re so old when you looked at your birth certificate it said expired.”

I admit that, so far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been, but surely the card senders are exaggerating my decline.

The next one said: “Happy Birthday to a guy with a highly intelligent, active and hungry mind… in fact, I think it ate your hair!” Ouch, that hurt.

I was certain the rest of the cards would be more compassionate.

“You think you’re middle aged? You know a lot of people in their hundreds?”

“For your birthday, I wanted to get you something you’d want to hold onto forever. But you already have one of those.” Now that’s hitting below the belt!

“It’s better to be over the hill than 6 feet under it!” I guess that’s some consolation.

Some people tried to be nice . . .

“Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!”

“Every once in a while, special people are put on this earth. People with deep passion, immense love for others. People with hearts much greater than average, and today, one of them would like to wish you a happy birthday.”

I was about to give up. But I decided to open just one more. Here’s what it said: “Happy Birthday… Oldilocks!”

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