The Top 25 “Confucius Say . . .” Jokes

‘Confucius Say . . .’ jokes are clever one liners that have everything to do with fun but virtually nothing to do with the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius (often misspelled “Confucious”).

Best Confucius Say JokesIf there is any connection, it is that Conficius’ teachings tended to be in the form of short sayings, often no more than a sentence, which frequently had multiple meanings or interpretations.

Confucius Say jokes are a variation on Confucius’ style of teaching, except that the philosophy is replaced with humor, often sexual double entendre.

If you enjoy witty R-Rated word-play, read on.

    1. Confucius say . . .
    A gay gentleman from the Deep South is called a homo-sex-y’all.

    2. Confucius say . . .
    A Greek tampon is called “Abzorba the Leak.”

    3. Confucius say . . .
    Some Sex Is Good…More Is Better…Too Much Is Just About Right.

    4. Confucius say . . .
    A Tattoo is permanent proof of temporary insanity.

    5. Confucius say . . .
    ArtifIcial Insemination is procreation without recreation.

    6. Confucius say . . .
    A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

    7. Confucius say . . .
    A bachelor is a man who is footloose and fiancée-free.

    8. Confucius say . . ..
    A wok is what you throw at a wabbit.

    9. Confucius say . . .
    The definition of a true genius is a nudist with a memory for faces.

    10. Confucius say . . .
    Butcher who back into meat-grinder get a little behind in his orders.

    11. Confucius say . . .
    Amish woman’s secret fantasy is two Mennonite.

    12. Confucius say . . ..
    Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.

    13. Confucius say . . .
    An Impotent Loser is one who can’t even get his hopes up.

    14. Confucius say…
    He who crosses the ocean twice without bathing is a dirty double crosser.

    15. Confucius say…
    Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

    16. Confucius say…
    Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

    17. Confucius say…
    Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!

    18. Confucius say . . .
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…after a mediocre summer.

    19. Confucius say . . .
    Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

    20. Confucius Say…
    The very first doctor of dermatology had to start from scratch.

    21. Confucius say . . .
    Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

    22. Confucius say . . .
    12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 Lite year.

    23. Confucius say . . .
    The Opera is the only place where a guy gets stabbed and instead of bleeding, he sings.

    24. Confucius say . . .
    The useless skin around a penis is called “a man.”

    25. Confucius say . . .
    Vitamins are good for what ails you. Viagra is good for what fails you.

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