Tag Archives: laughter

Morning Laughfest

Morning LaughfestAt 6:30 this morning, I tried something new: I devoted 5 Good Minutes to reading humor. (Afraid that I would look up and find that it was time for lunch, I actually set the timer on my phone.)

My hope was that a morning laughfest would set a positive, even rollicking, tone for the day.

I turned to Winning With One-Liners which was compiled by Pat Williams.

I love one-liners, and I have written about them before, here . . . and here . . . and here . . . and here.

In his book, Williams did what I have done in my articles, he stole material from some very funny people. Here are just two examples from Winning With One-Liners . . .

    “Well, Jerry,” said his father as he glanced at his report card, “one thing that’s in your favor is that with grades like these, you couldn’t possibly be cheating.”

    “Mom, why am I the tallest kid in third grade. Is it because I’m Irish?”
    “No, it’s because you’re eighteen.”

And one more for good measure . . .

    Teacher: “What’s a supervisor?”
    Student: “It’s something that Superman wears to keep the sun out of his eyes.”

Oh, hell, one more, these things are addictive . . .

    He’s so rich that, when he flies, his wallet is considered carry-on luggage.

I’m not sure I actually laughed at any of these, but they certainly made me smile and buoyed my spirits. Mission accomplished.

Did you know that laughter has actual physical benefits? Studies have shown that it boosts your immunity, lowers stress hormones, decreases pain, relaxes muscles and even prevents heart disease. Maybe doctors should have shticks that are not tongue depressors.

There are also mental health benefits. Laughter adds joy and zest to life, eases anxiety and fear, relieves stress, improves mood and enhances resilience. Wow, I’m going to start taking two puns three times a day with meals.

And, to finish the trifecta, laughter also has social benefits. It strengthens relationships, attracts others to us, enhances teamwork, helps defuse conflict and promotes group bonding.

Having mastered the benefits of laughter, I think that tomorrow I will go after the benefits of exercise. But taking up gymnastics may be harder than I thought. I just learned that parallel bars are not two taverns across the street from each other.

The Top 25 “What Do You Get” Jokes!

"What Do You Get" Jokes“What do you get” jokes are kissing cousins of puns. Clever word play.

These are the 25 top “What do you get” jokes of all time. Says me.

(Be sure to read all the way to the end. There is a gem waiting there for you.)

  1. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a skin doctor?
    A pachydermatoloigst.

  2. What do you get if you cross a labrador dog with a tortoise?
    You get an animal that goes to the news stand and comes back with last week’s newspaper.

  3. What do you get if you cross a hen with some gunpowder?
    An eggsplosion.

  4. What do you get if you cross a giant ape with a prisoner?
    King Kongvict.

  5. What do you get if you cross a famous Egyptian mummy with a car mechanic?
    Toot and Car Man.

  6. What do you get if you cross a chicken with a skunk?
    A fowl smell.

  7. What do you get if you cross an Indian with a cow?
    Geronimoo.

  8. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
    Polaroids.

  9. What do you get if you cross a dog with a chicken?
    A hen that lays pooched eggs.

  10. What do you get if you cross poison ivy with 4 leaf clovers?
    A rash of good luck.

  11. What do you get from a pampered cow?
    Spoiled milk.

  12. What do you get if you cross a godfather with a lawyer?
    An offer you can’t understand.

  13. What do you get if you cross a cat with a lemon?
    A sourpuss.

  14. What do you get if you cross a chicken and a bell?
    An alarm cluck.

  15. What do you get if you cross a dog and a cantaloupe?
    A melon-collie baby.

  16. What do you get if you cross an Eskimo with a pig?
    A polar boar.

  17. What do you get if you cross an owl with a goat?
    A hootenanny.

  18. What do you get if you cross a stream and a brook?
    Wet feet.

  19. What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
    Bamboo.

  20. What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?
    Something from another universe–ity.

  21. What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
    Bugs Bunny.

  22. What do you get if a dinosaur has a car accident?
    Tyrannosarus wrecks.

  23. What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
    A brush with the law.

  24. What do you get if you cross a hummingbird with a doorbell?
    A humdinger.

    And I’ve saved the best for last.

  25. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
    Elephino.

If you enjoyed these, you will also like The Best Puns Of All Time and The 25 Best “What Do You Call” Jokes.