Tag Archives: puns

More Best Puns Of All Time!

More Best Puns Of All TimeI hope you have already read my Best Puns Of All Time!

Now, for your viewing pleasure, I bring you MORE Best Puns of All Time!

Oh, in case you are wondering. These are all “G” rated. There is no punography here!

    1. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.

    2. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

    3. I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

    4. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

    5. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

    6. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    7. They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

    8. Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

    9. I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    10. I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

    11. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    12. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    13. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

    14. All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

    15. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    16. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

    17. Velcro – what a rip off!

    18. Earthquake in Washington is obviously government’s fault.

    19. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

    20. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

    21. I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

    22. When chemists die, they barium.

    23. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

    24. Broken pencils are pointless.

    25. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Best Puns Of All Time!

Best Puns Of All TimeHere they are. The best 25 puns of all time!

Who says so? Well, just me so far but I’m sure many readers will agree with me.

First, though, we have to get something straight. No puns, even the very best, produce raucous laughter. That’s impossible. What we’re shooting for here is a smile, a groan or perhaps a “that’s cute.”

Without further ado, I give you the top 25 26 puns in the whole world ever.

    1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    Not bad so far, huh?

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

    6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart

    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Kinda going downhill, aren’t they?

    11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

    13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

    15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    17. A backward poet writes inverse.

    18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

    19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine .

    21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

    22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

    23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

    24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

    25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    Now for the big finish . . .

    26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Oh, yea. Well, if you think you can do better, take it to the comment section.

If you liked these, you will love More Best Puns Of All Time!